Last week, I shared a personal story where my negative mindset almost persevered due to someone else’s actions. I also talked about the importance of self-mastery—aligning your life with your vision, making deliberate choices, and overcoming negative emotions and mindsets.
But if we’re in a space where we are so consumed with the emotions of life, how do we start?
One of my hardest seasons was when I moved to Los Angeles, hoping to find a fresh start, two years after losing my then-husband to suicide.
I fell into a fast and easy like with a guy who seemed so gentle, so kind, so safe. We spent nearly all our free time together, feeding off each other’s energy and enjoying the simplicity of being in each other’s company. It felt so good to be adored, embraced, and experience companionship again.
But it didn’t take long for reality to set in—neither of us was in any place to pour into a relationship the way we both needed. One argument led to another, and tension began putting distance between us. The breakup, initiated by him, was abrupt and intense, and it cracked me wide open.
Two years after that unimaginable loss that left me numb, here I was unraveling over what started as Tinder fling.
But in the moment, it didn’t feel small.
His decision to leave the relationship layered on top of my then-husband’s decision to leave this world, created a brutal narrative in my mind:
I wasn’t worth staying for.
All of the emotions I hadn’t fully processed after the loss came flooding back.
Nights were the hardest. When I finally managed to fall asleep, I’d still roll over, expecting someone to be there—only to jolt awake, heart racing, met with silence and emptiness.
I called friends and family on the east coast to help me through it—midnight for me, 3 a.m. for them. But after a while, I could hear it in their voices—the exhaustion, the helplessness. They loved me, but they were running out of words.
Then, in the middle of one of my nightly panic attacks, as I sat on the edge of my bed, rocking back and forth, rubbing my heart, consumed by loneliness and thoughts of not being good enough—something shifted.
In the chaos of my mind, an overwhelmed whisper broke through the noise.
"You’re okay. This won’t break you."
It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t some profound spiritual revelation. It was my own voice, trembling but clear enough to catch.
I said it again.
"You’re okay. This won’t break you."
And again.
"Kelsey, baby girl. You. Are. Okay."
I repeated it so many times the words became a mantra—a lifeline.
That was one of the first moments in my life where I realized that I could step outside of my pain, see it for what it was, and choose to respond differently.
That’s self-awareness.
And that’s how we start to move toward self-mastery.
Pain and emotions are a part of us. We experience them, but we do not have to let them define us.
Plainly put, self-awareness is the ability to observe yourself objectively—your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and patterns—without judgment.
It’s about recognizing how you respond to life, what triggers you, what drives you, and how your past influences your present.
And when practiced over time, self-awareness allows you to disrupt toxic cycles and ask yourself:
- Am I allowing my emotions to consume and define me in this moment?
- Is this how I want to show up in the world?
- Is this choice I’m making or behavior I’m repeating aligned with the person I want to become or the life I want to build?
For me, continuously growing my self-awareness has been the biggest factor in all the good that has come into my life since that breakup.
I still make mistakes. I still react in ways I’m not always proud of. But I can say with 100% certainty—I have never again felt as lost as I did that night in LA.
Have I experienced other heartbreaks? Oh, hell yes.
Have I gone through more cycles of grief? Most definitely. It is truly never ending.
But I have never again felt like I didn’t possess the strength and courage to take a step forward toward positivity, growth, and love.
If this resonated with you and you’re ready to deepen your self-awareness, I created a FREE guide to help you start. No fluff, no strings—just real steps to help you understand yourself better and start disrupting the cycles that hold you back.
If you choose to check out the guide, I’d love your feedback! Did it help? What would make it even better? Hit reply and let me know.
Until next time, my loves.
And remember—you have everything you need to go out into the world and win.
XOXO,
Kelsey
